It's taken me until now to blog about this orphanage that warrants a special place in my heart, as a piece of my heart is now broken after our 2 hour visit with them this past week. An obvious contrast from the welcoming atmostphere last April, we pulled into the site, only to be greeted by the heavily locked gate. When the children heard the tuk tuk drive up, they slowly crept up to the gate; however, I didn't recognize the faces of my boys, for they appeared dismal and sad-something just wasn't right.
As Rithy (the director) approached the entrance, I felt a surge of anger build, and the questions began to transpire within me:
Where are all the children? Why don't I see any females? When did they eat last? Why does the environment seem so empty?
Out of the shadows of the orphanage came Thong, one of my Cambodian sons, and our hug was something different-he clung to me, as if extremely fearful to let go. The spark was gone; Only a straight face remained, one of desperation and deprivation. What has happened here?
As our group continued on into the main building to drop supplies and our backpacks, Rithy began telling me about how badly they needed the computers to be fixed, and this literally dragged on for 10 solid minutes. No "how are you" or "thank you for coming" existed in this moment, and needless to say, I was crushed by his greediness. While observing my surroundings, the place was empty...no cabinets with supplies, no more English teaching materials, no tables. Nothing but vacant space. We were then let in to the office to fill the medical supply cupboard, and Rithy asked me to identify the current inventory and the items we were donating, and my initial gut feeling told me that his intentions were evil, and that the supplies wouldn't be used for the children, but as goods to be sold at the market-this instinct was later confirmed when I witnessed Rithy & his wife boxing up the supplies. Every item that I placed in the cupboard resulted in a heartwrenching stab to my soul.
Trying to maintain a positive attitude for the CHA orphans and my student volunteers, we embarked on yet another delousing session, as this was something we could take control of, and we could immediately use the supplies on the children. Approximately 20 orphans remain at CHA, and every head contained lice, so naturally it felt good to accomplish an objective, and the boys loved every minute of the head massages. While delousing we questioned the boys about their last meal, the past year, etc. Pon Leu hinted at the fact that they had eaten breakfast (it was now 4:30pm) and would eat again tomorrow. Once a day! (insert some foul language and frustration here) Being the typical Americans that we are, we pulled out protein bars, dried fruits & nuts, Cheezits, and any possible snack we could scrounge up from our packs. Next, picture emaciated, drooling vultures ravaging some roadkill-that's exactly what the next scene offered.
Finding it difficult to stay much longer, as the gruesome atmosphere was beginning to take its toll on Jack and me, we began the process of departure. Rithy only asked when we would be back and if we could bring more medical supplies on our next visit, and the children struggled to let go, with painstaking terror in their eyes. I highly doubt I will see most of those children again, and my heart aches knowing that they realize the same. The hope is gone, I'm angry and disappointed, and this feeling of helplessness makes me want to vomit...
Words cannot express the moment when I kissed Thong goodbye...I believe it may be the last.
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