As I drove up to my house yesterday morning at 1am, I stepped out of the car into pitch blackness, complete stillness, utter silence. It was peacefulness, a moment to treasure. I appreciate the still night.
As I stood in front of my home, I immediately thought about how ridiculous I looked, trying to punch in the code to my front door, delirious and sleep-deprived. I couldn't remember the code! I appreciate the feeling of security.
As I showered, my thoughts started racing back to the procedure for showering back at the orphanage. The shower, toilet and sink are combined into one small cubicle. Their shower is not a shower...it's a bucket of water with a cup in it. I appreciate the accessibility of fresh water and hot water heaters.
As I reached into the fridge to get some eggs, I was immediately grateful for my accessibility to food. However, I do miss the streetside market and the availability of fresh, unaltered fruit and vegetables. There were days in Cambodia where our schedule was unpredictable, and all I wanted was an apple, but I couldn't find one. It was a mental struggle, not being able to purchase what I wanted at the moment I wanted it. I had a glimpse, in that moment, how it must have felt to be a civilian during the Khmer Rouge.
As I walked the aisles of the grocery store with Axel last night, I felt a transformation within myself, for I purchased items on a need/want basis. Of course Axel "needed" the Hallmark cards that sing, the juiceboxes with characters on them, and the fancy yogurt tubes. What did I do? I resisted. I even lectured him about the fact that he didn't really "need" them just because he "wanted" them. As we checked out, my cart was not nearly as full as it usually is, granted, I spent a little more to get some organic items, but I felt refreshed, knowing that the items in our cart were things we really did "need." I appreciate my experience in Cambodia, for it gave me a new perspective.
As I sit here on the computer at 4:30am, (can't sleep), I appreciate the fact that I have a means by which to share my thoughts with all of you. I can share my story, my experiences, my thoughts. The children at CHA can't do this. It is my job to share their stories with you, to create an awareness of their situation, to be an ambassador for Children's Global Alliance, to recruit new student volunteers. The pictures I have to show will give a clear picture, but one has to truly visit the orphanage to experience the powerful feeling of love that results from this. An enormouse sense of responsibility has been fostered within me; I am now forever responsible for the continued "sharing of love" at C.H.A. I am committed. I am grateful. Thank you, God, Thomas, Axel, Mom, Dad, Jason, Jamie, all four grandparents, Dawn, Derek, Dayna, the Bullingers, the Troikes, Aunt Heidi and Kierstin, relatives abroad, Lisamarie, Jack, Anna, Tabor, Nina, Kassie, my Greeley girls, my girlfriends here in the valley, anyone I have ever taught with, my teachers throughout my lifetime, my current colleagues, my friends from MLS and MLC, Dan K, all parents of students I have ever taught, my students, my pastors, anyone who has been in my life up until now...thank you for playing a part in my life...you all have a piece of my heart. I am truly blessed. Ok...tears rolling down...love you all! Will write more later...
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