As I drove up to my house yesterday morning at 1am, I stepped out of the car into pitch blackness, complete stillness, utter silence. It was peacefulness, a moment to treasure. I appreciate the still night.
As I stood in front of my home, I immediately thought about how ridiculous I looked, trying to punch in the code to my front door, delirious and sleep-deprived. I couldn't remember the code! I appreciate the feeling of security.
As I showered, my thoughts started racing back to the procedure for showering back at the orphanage. The shower, toilet and sink are combined into one small cubicle. Their shower is not a shower...it's a bucket of water with a cup in it. I appreciate the accessibility of fresh water and hot water heaters.
As I reached into the fridge to get some eggs, I was immediately grateful for my accessibility to food. However, I do miss the streetside market and the availability of fresh, unaltered fruit and vegetables. There were days in Cambodia where our schedule was unpredictable, and all I wanted was an apple, but I couldn't find one. It was a mental struggle, not being able to purchase what I wanted at the moment I wanted it. I had a glimpse, in that moment, how it must have felt to be a civilian during the Khmer Rouge.
As I walked the aisles of the grocery store with Axel last night, I felt a transformation within myself, for I purchased items on a need/want basis. Of course Axel "needed" the Hallmark cards that sing, the juiceboxes with characters on them, and the fancy yogurt tubes. What did I do? I resisted. I even lectured him about the fact that he didn't really "need" them just because he "wanted" them. As we checked out, my cart was not nearly as full as it usually is, granted, I spent a little more to get some organic items, but I felt refreshed, knowing that the items in our cart were things we really did "need." I appreciate my experience in Cambodia, for it gave me a new perspective.
As I sit here on the computer at 4:30am, (can't sleep), I appreciate the fact that I have a means by which to share my thoughts with all of you. I can share my story, my experiences, my thoughts. The children at CHA can't do this. It is my job to share their stories with you, to create an awareness of their situation, to be an ambassador for Children's Global Alliance, to recruit new student volunteers. The pictures I have to show will give a clear picture, but one has to truly visit the orphanage to experience the powerful feeling of love that results from this. An enormouse sense of responsibility has been fostered within me; I am now forever responsible for the continued "sharing of love" at C.H.A. I am committed. I am grateful. Thank you, God, Thomas, Axel, Mom, Dad, Jason, Jamie, all four grandparents, Dawn, Derek, Dayna, the Bullingers, the Troikes, Aunt Heidi and Kierstin, relatives abroad, Lisamarie, Jack, Anna, Tabor, Nina, Kassie, my Greeley girls, my girlfriends here in the valley, anyone I have ever taught with, my teachers throughout my lifetime, my current colleagues, my friends from MLS and MLC, Dan K, all parents of students I have ever taught, my students, my pastors, anyone who has been in my life up until now...thank you for playing a part in my life...you all have a piece of my heart. I am truly blessed. Ok...tears rolling down...love you all! Will write more later...
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Reflections...
I'm already back to reality, sitting at the Seoul airport in the Hub Lounge for 9 hours now, checking emails and Facebook, eating something other than rice and tofu, and not one mosquito or sweat bead exists. Strange as it may sound, I miss my other atmostphere "had" for the past two weeks. No one is giving me hugs, yet rather stares, for I'm the foreigner here right now. No one to de-lice or bathe, no one to bring fresh pineapple and watermelon to, and no one to read "I love you, Stinky Face" to in the melting sun. How quickly my service has ended, yet I know the extension of my love will last a long time in CHA's hearts. What I would give at this moment in time to have a little Cambodian orphan sitting right next to me, here in the airport, booked for my same flight, only to take them home and smother them with love, schooling and food. I feel ripped apart and it's only been a short time since we said our tearful goodbyes on Friday night.
I didn't mention the Friday night goodbye yet...it hurts my heart to think about it. I mean it when I honestly say our goodbye session lasted a good hour and a half. And I'm talking tears, real tears, sobbing and trying to hide it, laughter tears, hugs so strong I could feel the pain the kids were feeling from us departing. Every SCCS student cried, even Jack. What? Boys don't cry! Hardly. I felt a rush of accomplishment when I saw Jack crying, kids hanging on every inch of his body, crying along with him. Not once did one of the CHA children cry during our visit (except for ChonTim...mentioned in an earlier post), but Friday night was a different story. They tried with all their might to fight back the tears, as did we, but we couldn't hold back. You know when you try to resist crying and your throat starts to hurt? Yep...it didn't last long. I was genuinely upset, crying so hard at one point I couldn't breathe while hugging Nuch, because I hope and pray that they'll all be there the next I can visit. They told me that Jesus loves me and that I'll always be in their heart-in return, I told them to be strong, take care of each other, and keep smiling. I promised I would come back.
I miss them...
I didn't mention the Friday night goodbye yet...it hurts my heart to think about it. I mean it when I honestly say our goodbye session lasted a good hour and a half. And I'm talking tears, real tears, sobbing and trying to hide it, laughter tears, hugs so strong I could feel the pain the kids were feeling from us departing. Every SCCS student cried, even Jack. What? Boys don't cry! Hardly. I felt a rush of accomplishment when I saw Jack crying, kids hanging on every inch of his body, crying along with him. Not once did one of the CHA children cry during our visit (except for ChonTim...mentioned in an earlier post), but Friday night was a different story. They tried with all their might to fight back the tears, as did we, but we couldn't hold back. You know when you try to resist crying and your throat starts to hurt? Yep...it didn't last long. I was genuinely upset, crying so hard at one point I couldn't breathe while hugging Nuch, because I hope and pray that they'll all be there the next I can visit. They told me that Jesus loves me and that I'll always be in their heart-in return, I told them to be strong, take care of each other, and keep smiling. I promised I would come back.
I miss them...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Cambodia Day 12/13
What a privilege...
As we departed by van from Phnom Penh, I witnessed the horrifying reality for those individuals living in poverty. In the rural communities we passed shack after shack, each of which provided less protection than our tents for camping. Amidst the literal shambles for housing, little tiny tan butts ran around playing in the dirt, water buffalo comprised of nothing more than skin and bones, worked without complaint, and near-collisive situations between motos and monstrous transport vehicles presented themselves every 1-2 minutes.
As we passed immense school structures, hundreds of uniform-clad Cambodians play happily in the yards while the mothers worked purposefully selling vegetables and fish on the roadside, fathers in the fields up to their collarbones in water. No midmorning massages, yoga classes or pedicures, yet hard, sweaty, dedicated labor. As the saying goes, "There's no rest for the weary." This is truly an understatement...they are not only weary, they are severely fatigued, malnourished, and poverty stricken. My heart breaks for them. I wanted to stop at every vegetable stand, get out and hug each one, telling them how much I respect them.
Chong Kneas, a floating village, gave me a gutwrenching feeling in my stomach upon arrival. A village in existence for over 100 years, Chong Kneas is home to many individuals, both Cambodian and Vietnamese. Homes on stilts or floating barrels, floating schools, a floating pharmacy, and a floating church...it was all there in the middle of Tonle Sap Lake. My description here doesn't do the village justice, so my photos will provide the reality. (to be uploaded to FB when I get home)
Our final destination this weekend was a beautiful privilege granted to us, so thank YOU, Lisamarie. Angkor Wat, meaning City Temple, was built for King Suryavarman II during the late 12th century. Just north of Siem Reap, I had the privilege of exploring many temples filled with beautiful architecture and breathtaking decor. I learned that Buddha holds 8 positions with his hands, each holding a meaning: meditation, forgiveness, and Earth as a witness. We also visited Ta Prohm, the famous jungle temple from Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. :) Our tour guide, Vi-Sna, built our background knowledge extensively in just 6 short hours.
A beautiful ending to a beautiful opportunity...
As we departed by van from Phnom Penh, I witnessed the horrifying reality for those individuals living in poverty. In the rural communities we passed shack after shack, each of which provided less protection than our tents for camping. Amidst the literal shambles for housing, little tiny tan butts ran around playing in the dirt, water buffalo comprised of nothing more than skin and bones, worked without complaint, and near-collisive situations between motos and monstrous transport vehicles presented themselves every 1-2 minutes.
As we passed immense school structures, hundreds of uniform-clad Cambodians play happily in the yards while the mothers worked purposefully selling vegetables and fish on the roadside, fathers in the fields up to their collarbones in water. No midmorning massages, yoga classes or pedicures, yet hard, sweaty, dedicated labor. As the saying goes, "There's no rest for the weary." This is truly an understatement...they are not only weary, they are severely fatigued, malnourished, and poverty stricken. My heart breaks for them. I wanted to stop at every vegetable stand, get out and hug each one, telling them how much I respect them.
Chong Kneas, a floating village, gave me a gutwrenching feeling in my stomach upon arrival. A village in existence for over 100 years, Chong Kneas is home to many individuals, both Cambodian and Vietnamese. Homes on stilts or floating barrels, floating schools, a floating pharmacy, and a floating church...it was all there in the middle of Tonle Sap Lake. My description here doesn't do the village justice, so my photos will provide the reality. (to be uploaded to FB when I get home)
Our final destination this weekend was a beautiful privilege granted to us, so thank YOU, Lisamarie. Angkor Wat, meaning City Temple, was built for King Suryavarman II during the late 12th century. Just north of Siem Reap, I had the privilege of exploring many temples filled with beautiful architecture and breathtaking decor. I learned that Buddha holds 8 positions with his hands, each holding a meaning: meditation, forgiveness, and Earth as a witness. We also visited Ta Prohm, the famous jungle temple from Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. :) Our tour guide, Vi-Sna, built our background knowledge extensively in just 6 short hours.
A beautiful ending to a beautiful opportunity...
Cambodia Day 11
Such a different life...
Little Mimi, prounounced my-my, is 2 years old, the youngest at the orphanage. Although she has living relatives, including her mother, she calls the orphanage her home because her mother has cancer and cannot provide adequate care for her. We had the privilege of meeting Mimi's mother, and what a lovely lady she is, so happy and enthusiastic to be able to spend time with her daughter on her "better" days. I can't imagine the thought of having to do this, but Mimi is in good hands at the orphanage. The older boys see to it that she gets the approrpriate amount of help and care she needs.
ChanTim, a 15 year old female, has apparently been sick for many years with swollen lymph nodes in multiple areas, painful stomach issues, and extreme fatigue and depression. Lisamarie discovered her under the sheets the other day, sobbing beyond her own control. She replied with, "I'm okay, no problem." Cambodian people do not cry, it's not common in their culture, so this was a rarity for us to witness. After scanning her body and locating points of pain, we drew a diagram for the doctor and she was taken by the director to the private hospital, for the few prior hospital visits yielded no results. We found out later that night she has TB, and treatment was started immediately. I pray she gets well. I made sure to give her extra hugs as I was leaving, kissed her several times on the forehead, and told her she'd be okay. God bless you, ChanTim.
As I watched the younger girls engrossd in play with their new mini dollhouses today, memories of my childhood started flashing before me. The girls were so immersed in play, keeping themselves entertained for a lengthy amount of time. I was that child, engaged in play with Barbies at my Grandma Schrenk's house. My cousin Jess and I could sit for hours playing "House" and "Happy Family." My Grandma Dahlquist and I would play "Foot Fashion Show," hold up a curtain, put Barbie shoes and boots on our fingers, and present dance numbers for each other. Grandma D and S, thank you for encouraging "play," and providing me the time to explore my creativity. I never had the latest gadgets, the newest toys in the commercials, but I was given the opportunity to truly "play" and explore myself as a person. As I watched SreyKim, Tira and Tita play, I saw myself, and I firmly believe they will grow to be competent, independent individuals.
I am blessed. I cannot repeat this enough. My husband never knew his father, let alone the fact he had two brothers, until three years ago when he was connected with them. After holding intimate conversations with several children at CHA, I now understand the pain my husband must have been internalizing so discretely. Thomas, I am so happy you've been reconnected with your father and two brothers. The connection with my brother and sister is something I treasure, a bond that is so strong it's difficult to explain to my middle school students...but they will realize it one day, just like I did.
A large banner hangs in the city of Phnom Penh: "Volunteers are the Backbone of the Community." I am proud to resonate with this banner-I am grateful for this opportunity extended to me. The more kids and adults I can expose, the more lifelong assistance that can strengthen the backbone of Phnom Penh, and specifically aiding the goal of self-sustainability of the Cambodian Hope Association.
Little Mimi, prounounced my-my, is 2 years old, the youngest at the orphanage. Although she has living relatives, including her mother, she calls the orphanage her home because her mother has cancer and cannot provide adequate care for her. We had the privilege of meeting Mimi's mother, and what a lovely lady she is, so happy and enthusiastic to be able to spend time with her daughter on her "better" days. I can't imagine the thought of having to do this, but Mimi is in good hands at the orphanage. The older boys see to it that she gets the approrpriate amount of help and care she needs.
ChanTim, a 15 year old female, has apparently been sick for many years with swollen lymph nodes in multiple areas, painful stomach issues, and extreme fatigue and depression. Lisamarie discovered her under the sheets the other day, sobbing beyond her own control. She replied with, "I'm okay, no problem." Cambodian people do not cry, it's not common in their culture, so this was a rarity for us to witness. After scanning her body and locating points of pain, we drew a diagram for the doctor and she was taken by the director to the private hospital, for the few prior hospital visits yielded no results. We found out later that night she has TB, and treatment was started immediately. I pray she gets well. I made sure to give her extra hugs as I was leaving, kissed her several times on the forehead, and told her she'd be okay. God bless you, ChanTim.
As I watched the younger girls engrossd in play with their new mini dollhouses today, memories of my childhood started flashing before me. The girls were so immersed in play, keeping themselves entertained for a lengthy amount of time. I was that child, engaged in play with Barbies at my Grandma Schrenk's house. My cousin Jess and I could sit for hours playing "House" and "Happy Family." My Grandma Dahlquist and I would play "Foot Fashion Show," hold up a curtain, put Barbie shoes and boots on our fingers, and present dance numbers for each other. Grandma D and S, thank you for encouraging "play," and providing me the time to explore my creativity. I never had the latest gadgets, the newest toys in the commercials, but I was given the opportunity to truly "play" and explore myself as a person. As I watched SreyKim, Tira and Tita play, I saw myself, and I firmly believe they will grow to be competent, independent individuals.
I am blessed. I cannot repeat this enough. My husband never knew his father, let alone the fact he had two brothers, until three years ago when he was connected with them. After holding intimate conversations with several children at CHA, I now understand the pain my husband must have been internalizing so discretely. Thomas, I am so happy you've been reconnected with your father and two brothers. The connection with my brother and sister is something I treasure, a bond that is so strong it's difficult to explain to my middle school students...but they will realize it one day, just like I did.
A large banner hangs in the city of Phnom Penh: "Volunteers are the Backbone of the Community." I am proud to resonate with this banner-I am grateful for this opportunity extended to me. The more kids and adults I can expose, the more lifelong assistance that can strengthen the backbone of Phnom Penh, and specifically aiding the goal of self-sustainability of the Cambodian Hope Association.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)